ebookland Chapter 88: Two Former Female Leaders in a Life of Debauchery
Chapter 88: Two Former Female Leaders in a Life of Debauchery
Wu Zetian lived for eighty-two years.
Over the long years, people's hearts have undergone vicissitudes, experiencing both bitterness and sweetness, as ethereal and unpredictable as mist, and as ever-changing as lightning.
When Yonghui Si time-traveled, Wu Zetian was just a Zhaoyi. As soon as Emperor Gaozong of Tang, Li Zhi, came to power, she was recalled to the palace and directly promoted and given a raise, becoming a Zhaoyi.
Then, in the sixth year of the Yonghui era (655 AD), she went through a major upheaval of "deposing the king and establishing Wu," and ultimately rose to become empress.
Wu Zetian, this powerful woman, had many titles—Wu Zhao, Wu Cairen, Wu Meiniang, Wu Zhaoyi, Empress Wu, Empress, Empress... She even gave herself the title of "Holy and Divine Emperor," as well as other domineering titles such as Heavenly Decree Golden Wheel Holy and Divine Emperor and Zetian Great Holy Emperor.
Let's continue. In another parallel universe, in Consort Wu's reception room, Yonghui Si and Zi'an are having an afternoon tea party.
Consort Wu opened her mouth and said, "This story is quite interesting. Could it be that Yonghui Si is referring to an empress from a previous dynasty? Which dynasty's empress's anecdote are you talking about?"
Zi'an couldn't help but chime in: "What Yonghui Si said isn't true!! It's just a story!! Consort Zhao, listen to this, 'If I become a cat, the Empress will become a mouse,' isn't that just a weakling's wildly imaginative curse?! You can't even beat him in this life, and you want to be a cat in the next?? Tsk tsk tsk, it sounds so unbelievable!"
Consort Wu's eyes seemed to speak volumes as she smiled knowingly.
Xiao Si nodded, winking as she said, "That's right! This empress was a 'prospective empress.' After hearing those words, the prospective empress was so angry that she stopped keeping cats in the palace! Her mentality was—'Whoever dares to mess with me, they'll disappear along with their cats!' That aura was so domineering!"
Consort Wu laughed so hard she almost spat out her tea. “Yonghui Si, where did you get these stories? They’re hilarious! But I just gave the most affectionate little black cat to Empress Wang because she had surgery recently, and I was worried she’d be lonely, so I sent her a cute little cat to keep her company.”
Xiao Si shook his sleeves, thinking, "Huh, surgery can actually be performed in this time and space?"
But she still said, "This isn't over yet, Consort Zhao. You don't know, the former empress's residence was practically a bank vault, completely sealed off, with only a small hole with a combination lock left open. Passing a little food through it was like ordering takeout for her. Isn't this treatment a low-end option, like a foot pedal?"
Consort Wu laughed so hard she almost fell over, and said pointedly, "Oh dear, this prospective empress is quite ruthless, isn't she?? She's so low-class that she has to use a footrest to deliver her 'special meals,' and even the deliverymen have to go through a small hole to see what she's eating. The former empress's lifestyle must have made even the food delivery guys feel sorry for her, right?!"
"Is this considered ruthless? It's even worse than that!! Consort Zhao, please let me explain in detail." Yonghui Si continued, oblivious to the immensity of heaven and earth.
The former empress ate her "VIP exclusive meal" with ravenous gusto, her eyes brimming with tears. No longer did she cry out for justice, but instead pleaded with the emperor, "We have made a grave mistake and are now reduced to palace servants. How dare we still call ourselves honored?" Her voice was mournful, as if she had an endless will to live.
Zi'an immediately imitated the former empress's "heartbroken" state: "If the emperor still cherishes our past relationship, and allows us to see the light of day again as palace maids, freely enter and leave the courtyard, and rename the Cold Palace to 'Return to the Heart Courtyard,' this would be a fortunate thing for us to be reborn."
After the former empress finished speaking, she grabbed the beautiful concubine who had once been the most favored by the emperor and knelt down as if to say, "Please give us a chance."
"Your Majesty, please have mercy and grant us a chance to live!"
At this moment, Consort Wu listened intently, but her eyes revealed an innocent and naive expression, seemingly showing no sign of anything unusual, which made Zi'an and Sizi feel strange.
Xiao Si continued, "In the end, the Emperor softened and said sincerely, 'You really don't deserve this punishment—I will handle this matter.'"
Si Zi imitated the emperor's deep and solemn voice with utmost seriousness.
Zi'an, playing the straight man, said, "Your Highness, look, that's exactly how it is. The tone is full of 'feeling sorry for you,' practically begging for a nine-thousand-story tower of comforting words!! Yet, there's still absolutely no action taken..."
Consort Wu chuckled, "Oh dear, the emperor, it's enough that he cares enough to just move his mouth and feel a little heartache."
Xiao Si suddenly chimed in: "Consort Zhao, the emperor must be thinking: 'Sigh, how complicated this is!! I'd better go back to watching the performance of the glamorous and entertaining little group in the harem. I can change my wives, but I can't change the emperor.'"
Consort Wu paused for a moment, then smiled again.
Xiao Si spread her hands and continued to probe, "Then, the story took a turn—the prospective empress, upon learning of this drama, was so angry that she gave both of her former female leaders a 'value package' of '100 slaps' each!"
Why is it considered great value?
"Because this set meal also includes a 'hand and foot chopping' deluxe side dish, and finally an upgraded 'deep cleaning of wine vats'—the effect is absolutely amazing!!!"
Consort Wu opened her mouth wide and glanced back at the little princess, as if afraid that the infant, who was not even a month old, had understood.
Zi'an quickly interrupted, "Hahaha, what a magical realism joke! The pre-queen's 'drunken' fate for the two former female leaders is truly astonishing!"
Little Si stuck out her tongue. "In the end, they lost their limbs and all died drunk. 'Return to the Heart Courtyard' became the most ironic name, the ultimate allusion to 'living a life of debauchery'!!"
Consort Wu said sadly, "Yonghui Si, is your story a form of dark humor? How could you be so reckless and dangerous?! It can't be that bad."
Consort Wu walked to her daughter's side, turned her back, and with tears of guilt in her eyes, gently raised one hand to straighten the baby's swaddling clothes. She then slowly raised her other hand and spoke in a soft yet solemn tone:
"I will treat you as my own sister, Xiao Si. Your sister-in-law will always remember this deep affection. And Zi An, this afternoon tea was very enjoyable. I hope you will come here to meet often when you have time."
……
The two parted ways, and on the way back, Xiao Si analyzed to Zi An, "Only someone who already understands this matter could be so calm and composed!"
Zi'an rolled her eyes, blinked, and whispered to Xiao Si...